You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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