Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
