apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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