So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
soo... how was my night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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