She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize