It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
try to milk me bitch
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