I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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