i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
