You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to fling myself into the sun
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
