Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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