the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
