I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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