He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
