I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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