She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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