dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
