honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hippo gnu deer
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
