Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
