Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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