it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
