I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
