I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
