Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
