he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
