Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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