Soap is not a condiment
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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