So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
