I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
