You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
