I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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