listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
