I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
