Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
