Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
