i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When are your genitals available?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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