So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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