RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
