I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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