when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
