well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize