3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
