I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
