Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
