haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mom said you looked used
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
