my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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