Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize