It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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