I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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