i think my mom watched the whole time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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