Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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