ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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