Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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