great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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