so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
