Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
