xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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