You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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