Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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