I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
