I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize