then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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