Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I deserve this hangover.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
