New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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