Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
