i think my tv is drunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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