she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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