Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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