She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
