just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
