um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
