man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
