I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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