Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
