He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
