Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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