Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
