put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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