Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
